Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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