A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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