Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it's like iHOP with fire
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
