he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Someone came in the potted fern
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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