also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
