Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize