He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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