I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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