Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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