i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
