I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are we still banned from the library?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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