apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
