I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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