I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
