Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm having to shit out rocks
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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