You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
