Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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