I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
