We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
