That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
