im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
