Ambien. No doubt about it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
