my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Farmville is her only friend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
