Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
