Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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