Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
