I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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