im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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