how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
tell me about the eggs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize