i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
