What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
