what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
