Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
