I'm really into asian looking animals
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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