Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
