You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
