he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
