Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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