I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
