we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
