Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
