if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
