don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
