I want to have your abortion
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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