Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
no, he came in my armpit
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
