Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
