Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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