he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You are the jesus of drinking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize