Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
