Screwed.edu
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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