She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
