Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
