ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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