Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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