Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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