those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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