i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
