I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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