Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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