I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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