When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
