In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
