I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
