I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
