Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
