come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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