He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
