I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
