Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
