"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
