I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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