I think I died a long time ago.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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