She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
