I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
