woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize