I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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