sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
