Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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