My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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