It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
