man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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