i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
