My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
