It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
