he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
