3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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