Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
