I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
