used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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