If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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