So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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