my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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