What a fucking waste of an outfit
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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