he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
