apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
