So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
